Life Never Easy

I have not been turned up in school for two weeks… Yea, of course the reason is my health problem. In this two weeks, i had think a lot! Many things come to my mind… My future, my interest, my family, my everything…..

As i’m completing my assignment at home (you guys may know what assigment is it! What more?! the drama..) Sorry guys, I’m not complete it now purposely, actually it’s completed last monday, but due to some technical problem, I have to redo it! DAMN! What problem is it you guys don’t have to know, that’s my responsibility. Anyway, sorry guys. Again, I DON’T MEANT TO FINISH IT LATE, again i clarify.

Yea, back to the topic, I had think many things these days, and after reading Winson’s blog, (yes, definitely, that jue dui superstar’s blog), I can feel his desperation on what he dream of!  I started to think back in my own situation. Like what he said, he’s an architecture student in UTM, but he won’t be an architect in future, because he started realize that that is not his future. He started to hate architecture. Like me too, I started to hate form 6, I mean science… I think some of you should know already. I don’t really like science, or shall I say I have no interest in Science anymore? I like form 6 life, form 6 life gave me a lot, a lot that I’ve left in my secondary school life. [form 6 is not secondary school life anymore in my defination, it's pre-U, no enjoying, no honeymooning...] I’ll really appreciate it, forever and ever. This is the most memorable year that i had, I think. I enjoyed when sit and chat with friends and heng daiz. But when I back to my study, oh my gosh! Headache comes immediately. Maybe this is because of I had failed most of my tests and exams this year, or just I’m not ready yet? I become study phobia already. When I starts to open my book, my mind started to think other things, whatever.. but not the one in the book! Sometimes really jealous about Raymond, he can go well with his plan, but me… There’s a strong feeling in me tells me that "ewa, you’re not belongs to the Science." Maybe what I’ve choose at first is wrong, I should choose the one that I really want. The one that I really want is……… is………Haiz… I don’t even have the courage to say it out! May be you’ll say "everytime you also say this is the one that you want, but at last…."haiz……. I’m lost! Where am I, and where should I go? I know the answer is in me, but I don’t know where it hides, or shall I say I don’t have enough courage to find it out?

Taking STPM, is it the right choice? I know it’s too late now to say it’s right or not, and I don’t have to screw my head to think so much, JUST FIGHT FOR THE CERT! and get into the U. After graduate, you’ll be given chances to earn tonnes and tonnes $$$! But is that the truth? Work for $$$ or suffering for gaining $$$? There’s an devil and angel beside me, giving comment… But, which is devil’s advice, and which is Angel’s? Difficult to determine. Fight for the cert, then? go to U to further study in science or colledge to take my dream course? If I choose U, I have to like it, no choice! But if I choose colledge, many things have to be sacrified, family relationship, money, etc…  *sigh* Very headache… This difficulty has screwed me since last year… How to solve it?

His blog reminds me the peom, "THE ROAD NOT TAKEN"

two roads diverged in a yellow wood
and sorry i could not travel both
and be one traveler,long i stood
and looked down one as far as i could
to where it bent in the undergrowth

then took the other,as just as fair,
and having perhaps the better claim
because it was grassy and wanted wear
though as for that the passing there
had worn them really about the same

and both that morning equally lay
in leaves no step had trodden black
oh i kept the first for another day
yet knowing how way leads on to way
i doubted if i should ever come back

i shall be telling this with a sigh
somewhere ages and ages hence
two roads diverged in a wood,and i
I TOOK THE ONE LESS TRAVELED BY
and that has made all the difference

Which one shall I choose?

It’s hard to write all of what I’ve think here, I think that’s all for this time, tired already… Bye

p/s:thanks for your regards, I’ll appreciate it forever…

~ by i-m-not-ewa on August 12, 2006.